1.29.2005
diary of a dead girl

Diary of a Dead Girl


Entry 2

His skin was like sand paper and he smelled of sweat and the earth. He smoked cigarettes and I didn't mind. We would go walking with no destination and not say a word for hours. Our relationship wasn't about words. It wasn't about sex, either. Though there was sex. With me, there was always sex.

People never got how me and Jimmy could just sit in the same space for hours and not say a word or look each other's way. Silence scares a lot of people. But for us, silence was a way of telling each other things. But people would still ask about it and I got tired of trying to explain so I just stopped answering and started shrugging.

A shrug is a reply people only accept when they don't really care about the answer in the first place. And most people, to tell you the truth, don't give a damn about what you have to say. They can sit there and stare straight into your eyes for an hour, nodding their head and saying, "Yeah," like they're really listening. But they aren't. No, they're making grocery lists or thinking about how they can turn the conversation around to themselves. We're all pretty self-centered.

I'm not saying there aren't people who genuinely listen to you. I'm just saying they're hard to find. It's kinda funny, really, that the only person who ever really listened to me was a person I barely spoke to at all. My Jimmy, who smelled like dirt and sweat, never shrugged.

Posted at 11:46:58 pm by TheKaren

R
January 30, 2005   08:10 PM PST
 
Presence.....to find someone who's mere presence is so great that nothing else it needed....words cannot and are not capable of expressing feelings between two beings that are emotionally syncronized....the soul can only hope to find such completeness.....
ladymaverick
October 27, 2006   05:46 PM PDT
 
you have great stuff here! keep it up.
 

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