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8.15.2005
I don't know what it is but I keep meeting virgins. I don't have anything against virgins -- it's just so unusual.* I went several years only knowing people who gave it up quite a while ago. And suddenly, virgins! Virgins everywhere. I don't get it. Waiting, I mean. Some people refuse to have sex, even oral sex. Even when they're in a committed relationship.
That's the confusing part.
Some people wait for religion, okay, I get it. You don't want to go to your hell, makes sense. Others are waiting for that super fantastically amazing special someone - that makes even more sense. And some people just can't get any (sucks to be you).
My main issue is with the people waiting for marriage. Go you, hooray for control and staying power. But what if you get married and then you find out you are sexually incompatible with your mate? What if you don't even fit (yes, literally) together? Contrary to popular belief, sex is important in a marriage. It's a big chunk of intimacy, togetherness, et cetera. You don't want to end up with someone who has a completely different sex drive than you. I mean, what if you want to have sex four times a day and she wants it once a month (or less)? What if they can't have an orgasm unless you pee on them and you think that's just icky?
So here's my advice to virgins over the age of 20: if you want to wait, wait.Wait until you think you've found the person you want to spend your life with if you have to, but don't wait until your wedding night because if you don't believe in divorce you might be screwed (not necessarily literally).
*Back in grade school, virginity was the norm and people who had sex were big time sluts and total misfits. I love change.
Posted at 12:11:42 pm by TheKaren
 | | | Deirdre
August 15, 2005 12:41 PM PDT
Looking back-- I wish I had waited until I was married.
To only have one partner.
I think waiting is good. The good far outweighs the bad.
There are a lot of bads out there. ALOT.
And I think once you're in a marriage, if the sex isn't all you thought it would be, hopefully, you've chosen in the first place to marry someone you can work with and make it better.
I personally wouldn't advise anyone to have sex before marriage just to see if they're compatible in bed.
What about those who only have great sex but can't get along as people--
I suppose it's up for each individual to make up their own minds like you said. I think it's great that more people are waiting.
There are too many unwanted pregnancies right now & far too many diseases to just experiment for the sake of finding a mate that's great in the sack. | |
| | | Katriana
August 15, 2005 12:46 PM PDT
It's definitely an individual's choice. It's very important, I think, to weigh all the pros and cons before making any big decision.
What scares me: a lot of people choose one way or the other without thinking. They just do what their friends are doing, what their church tells them, etc. without considering what they want for themselves. | |
| | | Deirdre
August 15, 2005 12:58 PM PDT
You are so right about that.
Good post. | |
| | | CuriouslyMad
August 15, 2005 02:27 PM PDT
I've come to the conclusion that regardless of the reason, if you want a long lasting relationship, it's best to wait. Maybe not forever, but for a long time, when starting with someone new.
This is why: once you have sex you are not thinking straight anymore. Seriously. How many relationships are based on the sex? THEY WILL NOT LAST. It confuses things. It makes you feel closer than you actually are. Well, maybe that's just women. Men will lie and stay in a relationship just to get some.
If you are looking for something that's going to last for a long time into the future, I think it's better to make a good strong relationship, see how compatible you really are. Without the sex. It's important, but it's secondary. And if he isn't willing to wait, he's not in it for the long haul anyway. | |
| | | Katriana
August 15, 2005 02:58 PM PDT
It's tricky. If one bases their entire relationship on the sexual aspect alone, it won't last forever. But some people don't want forever in the first place. For others, sex is a reflection of their love. I think it's best to work out what's best for yourself.
. . .but I still don't want to advise people to trap themselves in a marriage before they understand their partner sexually. | |
| | | CuriouslyMad
August 16, 2005 09:54 PM PDT
Some people don't want forever. If you just want sex, go for it.
If you want something that will last, I really think leaving the sex out for a long time is the way to go. I'm telling you, it messes with your head. You might not think so, but it does.
If you were truly a virgin, you wouldn't know what you're missing. Another good point for virginity. Had you remained a virgin, you wouldn't be nearly as tempted.
("you" being anyone/everyone)
It's because people go around having casual sex that they want more, they know about it, how good it is.
It's kind of hard for me to imagine that two virgins who get married can't make a sex life they both love. Seriously. If you aren't laying there remembering how good it was with "Joe" you wouldn't be so dissatisfied with hubby. You'd have no other experiences to compare it to. And of course, you'd love him and all. Assuming he loves you too, you'd both be trying to learn to please your partner. And you'd be starting from the same place- no experience- and working from there together.
Yes, people should talk about it.
And guess what? People change! Or at least come to realize that they have desires they never realized they had before. These things can seriously test relationships. I guess that's where comittment and loving your spouse come in.
I'm not a virgin, wasn't when I married, done my fair share of sleeping around, not sure how long I would wait if/when I start another new relationship. I love sex just like everyone else.
I'm just saying, NOW I see a lot of wisdom in the whole virginity thing, or at least in waiting for a long time, in each new relationship. | |
| | | Soumitra
September 9, 2005 04:09 AM PDT
Love matures with time.
When you taste sex early, there comes a time when you realise how trivial and transient it can be. And that makes you rise above it.
It also makes you realise that magical sex doesnt happen by itself, you have to work at it.
Experience always helps, as long as it doesnt lead to arrogance. | |
| | | Kerry
January 12, 2006 10:02 PM PST
There's a giant gap between waiting to have sex PERIOD and waiting for a great person to have sex WITH.
Eh. Maybe I need to move. | |
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